Carol Talbot explains how to unlearn the behavioural and thought patterns that could be holding you back..


Patterns are everywhere, and you have a pattern for being you. Think of it like driving a car. You first check that the gear is in neutral, and then turn the key in the ignition and that’s how you drive a car.  When you begin to recognise your patterns you can let old patterns go that no longer serve you or get you the results you want. You might want to make a note of what you do every single day and notice the repetition and patterns as well as the results reflected in your life.

If you are creating the same reality every day, maybe the patterns for living your life and running your business need to change; it’s like having a map of London when you’re going to Timbuktu.   

Learning versus unlearning 

Learning can be defined as finding the connection between what you know and what you don’t know. The definition of ‘unlearning’, then, is to discard, forget and stop doing something (such as a habit) in a deliberate way because it is bad or incorrect, or because you are not getting you the result you want, or to where you want to be or go.

Unlearning is about recognising patterns in thinking, feeling and behaviour that no longer serve you. It’s letting go of memories and experiences that no longer suit or fit you – just like an old set of clothes you used to wear. Unlearning is letting go of everything in your life that represents mediocrity. It’s having the courage to say ‘no.’ It is knowing that you are more, deserve more and are a valuable asset to yourself and others. That is a choice you have to make.

Are your patterns of thinking and behaving helping or hindering you?

Your patterns in thinking literally become embedded in the network of brain cells, and each time you repeat a particular thought the connection between those cells becomes stronger and stronger. That’s all good and well if you are running a pattern of positive thinking – but if you are continually sidetracked by poor habits and pessimistic thoughts, then you get stuck in a loop. That explains why some people find it so difficult to change. The more the negative thought loops run, the stronger the neural pathways become – and the more difficult it becomes to stop them.

If you change clothes, cars, where you live, your job, your hairstyle, your relationships and friends, then surely it would make sense that you also need to change or update the programmes and patterns stored at the unconscious level. The good news is that you have the ability to change the software in your brain – to literally change the way you think.

1. Mind your thoughts

Your thoughts create your reality and direct your outer world. Whatever you perceive outside of yourself – in people, in events, in situations – are all actually projections from inside of you, like a reflection in a mirror. This means there is never a problem with another person, event or situation; it is simply a problem with how you are choosing to perceive that person, event or situation.

The key is to solve the problem that lies inside yourself. Look for the best in people, in events and in situations. When you change how you observe your world, the outside world changes too.

2. Mind your language

Your thoughts are expressed though your language. Did you know that the Oxford English Dictionary contains full entries for 171,476 words? It’s unlikely that you are using a million different words each day; in fact, research indicates that the average woman uses up to about 20,000 words a day. What is more, you will also be using the same 100 words on a regular basis to describe your experiences. Pay attention to your language. You have the power to inspire and lift others through the language you use. The language you use to yourself also has a huge impact on how you feel and your energy levels.

Your world comes into being through what you create with your thoughts and mind – so when you begin to unlearn and let go of patterns that no longer serve you, the possibilities are endless.

This article was originally appeared in




30th August 2017

It’s not all in your head: Use your body to tap intelligence, too

Intelligence can be described as a mental ability for reasoning, the ability to learn, understand things and solve problems.…
07th August 2017

How Flexible are You?

Remember - flexibility increases choice in all areas of your life!